It's true you know. Home is where the heart is, and after living at the farm for eight months I'm finally awake enough to embrace my place. You see, we moved into the farm, a ten-acre hobby plot in Southern Illinois, in October of 2016. My mother passed away in November of 2016... and honestly I can't really remember much after that. Grief has a way of swallowing us whole and keeping us in an emotional daze until we have properly processed our severed connection and loss.
My husband, The Mighty Oak, worked all winter long at the farm, and I guess I helped some too, when he could twist my arm to brave the cold. We both had a vision for the place when we first moved in. Mine slipped away for obvious reasons, and I grew to resent the property and where we lived. I was hurting so deeply, that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Literally. My inspiration for writing left me. I found it hard to relate to people, even friends. I just wanted to move back to Normal... as in the city in Central Illinois, and to everything that I had known before we moved south. I wanted my mom back and I wanted the pain to go away. But the reality was that I wasn't moving back to Normal and I wasn't getting my mom back. Everything had changed, and I had to change too. I had to grow out of this pit of despair. I'd done it before. At this stage of my life you would think I would be more like Persephone, Queen of the Underworld instead of innocent Persephone who just wants to hang out with her mom and pick flowers. I've been to Hell and back a few times in my life. Truth? It doesn't get easier with each trip. Sure, wisdom is on your side, but it doesn't make Hell a more attractive vacation destination. The truth is you just have to keep trudging until you find your way home. And so that's what I did. It took me eight long months, but I'm back now. Demeter is gone, but Persephone perseveres. I returned from the Underworld motherless, but healed, just in time to enjoy a beautiful spring.
Although I'd lost my vision, TMO's vision for the farm remained intact. And thank goodness. Although the two-year old home was in pristine condition when we bought it, the property had been severely neglected over the years. The farm is now practically unrecognizable from when we first moved in - in a really good way! Of course we still have lots we want to accomplish out here, but I can honestly say that I finally feel like I am home. And now that I am home, I am embracing the world around me and look forward to sharing that world with you. I'm a changed person. So my website and blog and everything else has changed too. The only constant during my time "away" was nature. As I awoke this spring, this is what kept me going. Nature. The birds, the deer... the coyote that thought he could walk up our lane. The trees, the flowers... the sunsets and sunrises. The thunder and lightening. The moon and the stars. All of it. It lulled me back. It's trendy these days to refer to nature as one's temple. But it's more than that. It's life. It's God. It's Source. It's Home. And home is where my heart is.
For a fictional account of farm life in Southern Illinois... TWGS