Ain't no hill for a climber.
Let me tell you a story about loneliness and liminal space. It sucks. The end. Oh transitions! How I love to loathe thee! I kid. I kid... not really... I kid! Here I am again, stuck in another liminal space, a transition, the middle. I am not a stranger to this space. I've been through so many that I once taught a course on this topic. I get the Hero's Journey. I do. But understanding something from an intellectual level does not always make the emotional level any easier to deal with... maybe a little, but yeah... it's still there. And here I am on day five. Le sigh.
It's the space between. Again... a song reference, by the Dave Matthews Band. It's a pretty one - not really relevant to my life - but I love the title. The space between is where I am right now and there's a pretty significant gap between where I am and where I want to be.
One of the hardest parts, but most crucial is that I can't really talk about it yet. I'm keeping it reeled in, while doing what I need to do. I believe they call trudging in some circles. It's a happy change that's coming. Very happy. But there are challenges to be met and time to go by before arriving at that final destination. I had a really good attitude about it all until day three. I fell apart. My husband, also an expert in transitions, told me "Ain't no hill for a climber." A little encouragement goes a long way. I will put that little quote in my back pocket and use it to carry me the rest of the way through this liminal space.
It's times like this that I have to really be self-aware so as to avoid the traps of self-pity, jealousy and an overall negative attitude. I have to check myself hourly, because even though I want to be comforted in this liminal space, it's shameful to dump those toxic vibes on others. I don't want to be that person. So I write. Writing has always helped me. It helps a lot. So does prayer.
A notable about this particular passage of time, is that it is lining up with seasonal transition. We are in the dog days of summer where the star Siruis is closest to the earth. The harvest is in full swing, as you can see by the tomato haul. The mornings are mistier and cooler. The days are swelteringly hot and humid. Soon the natural lighting will change and we will move into my favorite time of year... AUTUMN! Do you feel the shift?
Even though I love autumn, I have to pace myself. Staying present with all that is happening at the farm is important, because when this is gone I will be missing it sorely. So I continue to take my daily walks. I pick, pick, pick and cut, cut, cut. I also plan to do some canning this weekend. I share my vegetables and flowers with coworkers and church. I take pictures. All the pictures. And I am determined to enjoy the space between, because there's only way one way out and that is through, so I can either be negative or optimistic. Pitiful or grateful. Miserable or at peace. I'll take it moment by moment and reach for the light. ♥